I Asked, “What Is Football to You?” He Said, “Just Some Men Running Around with a Small Ball”

I once asked someone a very simple question out of curiosity:

"What does football mean to you?"

I was expecting a poetic answer, maybe something emotional like, 

"Football is life."

"Football is passion, the beautiful game, an identity, community, and 90 minutes of pure emotion."

Instead, the guy just looked at me and said:

"It's just some men chasing around a small ball."

I have not recovered. He wasn't a football fan!

My friend had casually reduced football, a sport capable of ruining friendships, starting arguments at family dinners, and keeping millions of people awake at night to "some men running around with a small ball."

I wanted to argue; explain the history, the tactics, the rivalries, the heartbreak, the late winners, the controversial refereeing decisions, and the strange ability of a football match to turn perfectly normal adults into people shouting at their television.

But then I thought about it.

Technically… he wasn't completely wrong, because if you explain football to someone who has never watched it, that's basically what it looks like: 22 people running after a ball.

That Small Ball Has Caused A Lot of  Problems

That “small ball” has probably caused more arguments than most politicians. It can be a dangerous business to have a drink with fans of two opposing teams, especially when one team is winning, and the other is still pretending there’s a comeback coming.

A striker misses an easy chance, and suddenly everyone in the house is a football analyst.

"How did he miss that?"

"Even my grandmother would score that."

The same striker scores a 30-yard winner the following week, and suddenly everyone has forgotten the criticism.

"I always knew he was a world-class."

No, you didn't, last week you wanted him sold.

Every Fan is A Coach

Fans have this notion that they could do a better job than the manager.

Let's be frank, the manager spends weeks preparing for a match. He studies the opposition, watches training, and plans the formation.

Then somewhere in Nairobi, London, Lagos, or Madrid, a man eating chips from his sofa says:

"I knew this formation was wrong from the beginning."

From the beginning, you only switched on the television in the 59th minute. But football fans don't need qualifications. Give them a TV, a chair, and WI-FI and you've got yourself a tactical analyst. 

The Referee: Football's Favourite Villain

Speaking of referees: nobody loves them, neither the wining or losing team. 

If the referee gives a penalty:

"He is biased!"

If he doesn't give a penalty:

"What is the use of VAR?"

If VAR checks the decision:

"Why is this taking so long? It's a penalty already."

If VAR doesn't check it:

"Why didn't VAR check that?"

The referee makes a bad call against your team.

The fans:

"He clearly has something against us."

Then There Are the Football Experts

They think they are better than managers and even coaches, sorry to say so. They think their predictions are always accurate.

Remember they are not employed by any club, and some have never kicked a ball beyond the neighbourhood.

But they know exactly what the manager should have done.

"Why didn't he make the substitution earlier?"

"He should have played a back four."

"I told you this formation wouldn't work."

So, What Is Football?

Maybe my friend wasn't wrong at all.

Yes, football is men or women running around after a ball.

But it is also the reason people who have never met each other hug when their team scores. It is a sport that can ruin your entire weekend.

It carries childhood memories, national pride, rivalries between cities, families, and friends, and even the dreams of glory and, occasionally, the crushing disappointment of watching your team lose to a club you were absolutely certain they would beat.

So the next time someone makes some comments: "just some men running around with a small ball," don't argue, just smile.

Because they haven't experienced the excitement and dangerous parts yet.